Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
