dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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