I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
