She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
