so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
