Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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