You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize