1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
