I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
