Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
