I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
