Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
