as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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