are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
