U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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