she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
