thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
