i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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