I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Best friends brother. Beat that.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
