Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
