I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
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she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
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I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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