I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Please don't give away my fajitas
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
