We named our party play list daddy issues
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
