I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
