3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
