She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Sober January is a disaster.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
