So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
