We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
