You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
it glows. i had to have it.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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