I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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