His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
