My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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