Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
