Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
