She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
