I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize