I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
lets start a swedish sibling band together
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment