i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.