I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs