i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...