will power is for people who don't want to get laid
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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