probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
