I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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