I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
