my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
