just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
