Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
