I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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