sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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