I must be too annoying 4 u.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
