I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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