I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
