If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
