Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
