I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
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just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
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Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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