Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
