I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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