If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize