you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
