This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
