Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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