was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
