I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
