so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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