I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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