my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
