Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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