ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
