Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
