No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
