Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
