If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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