I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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