dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
